The Boys’ Wings of Hope

Resettled in the foreign land of America, the Lost Boys struggle to find an identity,
a home and they are as lost as ever.

By Molly Sunwoo

I was walking back home from work, exhausted. I was working as a laborer then. It was the worst job for someone as weak and skinny as me but I didn’t have many choices - $8.50 per hour as a ticket clerk just wasn’t going to earn me enough money for an education. When I opened the door of the apartment, I was surprised to find my American ex-girlfriend lying down on the sofa, humming a tune I wasn’t familiar with. I had broken up with her a week ago. After sending me endless texts and phone calls, and now, entering my house without permission?! It was ridiculous. Was this a part of American culture as well?

We had a huge dispute that night. She refused to break up with me. Suddenly, within the blur of the situation, I felt a hand strike across my face as she screamed, “You’re just a refugee here in America. I can kill you!” 1
Panic and fear building up inside me, I frantically pushed her out of the house and shut the door. She continued screaming outside the door for a few hours but even after she left, I could hear her furious voice echoing through my head, ‘You’re just a refugee here, I can kill you.’

Just a refugee.

I can kill you.

Peter Deng remembers one of the most horrific days of his past. His voice, strained, as he mentions that he had to place a restraining order on this woman. Besides this incident, Peter has been through several other terrible experiences in America. Within the first year of his arrival, he was assaulted, carjacked, fined $1,200 for driving without licenses, - which no one taught him was needed - and was falsely accused of fathering a child. As he lists each event, his body tenses, as if reliving these traumatizing days.

Peter now insists on staying home, for fear that he might be assaulted or be sent to jail for false accusations. He has simply given up trying to fit in - like a glass piece dropped to the ground, Peter’s determination has shattered into pieces.

“If I go to public places, the mall or a club, somebody might hurt me for that,” he says, with a voice drenched with fear. 2

It is undeniable that there were great physical sufferings for the Lost Boys in Africa. But back then, they relied on one another and supported each other. In America, most of the Lost Boys are outsiders, turned down, with no one to turn to. Just as Peter experienced, they are often harshly mistreated and pointed at for their dark skin tone. They are neither Sudanese or American anymore and rejected from society as they strive to find a home.

Though, of course, when Peter first arrived in Phoenix in 2001, he was thrilled, just as any other, completely unaware of what may be waiting for him. “So I was thinking that America is a good country. Maybe if I go there I will make money; I will go to school.” he says with a faint smile. 3

After years and years of aimlessly roaming around Africa, constantly chased by war and poverty, the Lost Boys seized any opportunities to escape.

This seemingly endless journey started when the Sudanese Civil War spread to Southern Sudan in 1987.

Nearly none of the native villages escaped from the abrupt strikes of the government and the murahaleen - arab militias on horseback who were armed by the Sudanese Government to attack SPLA and the Dinkas. Those who survived the raids would hide or run until they met other signs of settlement. Separated from their families or sometimes sent willingly by their parents, a total of 27,000 young orphaned boys and girls gathered, soon forming the ‘Lost Boys of Sudan’ and starting their walk towards safety.

Constantly running from violence, these boys were never able to settle down completely. Roaming around the endless continent of Africa, the boys spent 4 years in Pinyudo Refugee Camp, 9 years in Kakuma Refugee Camp and 1 year during a walk to Kenya. Wounds on their bare feet became deeper and deeper and every day was a new nightmare. “We chewed tall grasses and ate mud to stay alive.”4 John Bul Dau frowns as he recalls his walk.

Until finally, they caught the world’s attention and opportunity was in sight. Their simple wish became crystal clear them - to feel safe, to stop worrying, and live a life of peace and serenity.

Hence, when the US started resettling some of the Lost Boys to America in 2001, they grabbed it without any hesitation.

Jany Deng, is one of the exceptionally fortunate former Lost Boys who found a place in America. He was remarkably lucky to graduate high school, followed by university and in May 2005, become a US citizen. Now working as the Program Director at the Lost Boys Center for Leadership Development in Arizona, Jany works towards helping fellow victims of the war in Sudan and acts as a role model to most other Lost Boys.

But until now, Jany has had an extraordinarily painful past.

One of the first to leave the chaos in Sudan, Jany and his older brother, Simon arrived in America together in Phoenix in 1995, before most others. Unfortunately, they were separated straight away in America, as Jany (then 16) was put with foster parents while Simon (then 23) was placed in a small apartment shared with a few others. This was a common method in resettlement - the younger boys were given better environments and circumstances.

But regardless of age, whether the lost boy lived with a caring foster family or lived alone or with a few strangers, made an indescribable difference. Living conditions were the start of their new life and it could either act as a shadow or sunlight to their futures.

Though Jany started attending high school straight away, Simon could not. Already too old, no opportunities of education were provided for him. While constantly being chased by bills and economic struggles, Simon also had difficulties coping with racial discrimination. Living in his tiny apartment with a few other strangers, he was quickly filled with isolation and loneliness in an unfamiliar land. Depression soon crawled into his life - soundless, yet menacing.

Simon had landed in America with his determination strong, ready to fight. But every disappointment feeling like a punch in the gut, it didn’t take long for him to simply put down his weapons and give in.

Jany mentioned, by 1997, two years after his arrival in America, Simon had ‘grown despondent’ 5 and ‘began to speak of suicide’. 6 Completely different from his previous occasionally dispirited moods, he was constantly sorrowful.

A while after these observations, Simon Deng died in the same year. Driven from mental instability, Simon was shot by the police while damaging a Catholic Social Services Building with a pistol.

His brother’s death was an unbearable shock to Jany.

“Why here?” he asks. “He could have died over there. I could have died over there,” he says quietly, voice shaking. “The way it happened, it was not a good way.”7

America was an escape from war and violence for the Lost Boys. But, are they really safe? As a result of great social and economic difficulties now their most dangerous threat is essentially, themselves.

Around 80-90% of the Lost Boys resettled in America suffer a mental disorder called PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Caused by traumatic past experiences such as war, sexual assault, natural disaster and more, it is only natural that PTSD is exists within the Lost Boys. Though, through research, it has been proven that their current environment is also a large development factor of PTSD and that patients often experience lack of sleep, anxiety, nightmares and flashbacks.

It is a true tragedy that these bright boys are shadowed by such struggles. Still taunted by their past, they are being pulled back, unable to move on.

And because they were brought apart from their culture, family and are isolated in a foreign land among strangers, the Lost Boys often have no one to talk to, let out their troubles and feelings, which forces them to keep it all in.

Just like Simon Deng, who was not able to build personal and intimate relationships like his younger brother. Who, at the end, was left alone and helpless, to the point where he slowly cracked.

This heartbreaking story of Simon is what the majority of the resettled Lost Boys are going through. After all the deprivation in Africa, it only takes them one moment, one single moment, to let go of the willpower that kept them through their entire journey.

In the unknown land, they are fragile.

And these unfortunate yet brave boys deserve to be accepted and embraced. Like beautiful doves, wings broken from their horrible history, with love, their wounds can be bandaged, damages cured. And with encouragement, a helping hand, they can spread their wings and fly away, leaving their past behind.

References:

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2. "Boston University." Browse. N.p., 6 June 2005. Web. 26 Mar. 2013.<http://www.bu.edu/phpbin/news/releases/display.php?id=951>

3. "Sudan: The Passion of the Present." 'Sudan: The Passion of the Present' N.p., 30 Sept. 2005. Web. 27 Mar. 2013.<http://platform.blogs.com/passionofthepresent/2005/09/equipping_lost_.html>

4. "Impact A Village – Blog." Impact A Village Blog. N.p., n.d. Web. 23 Apr. 2013. <http://impactavillage.org/blog/?tag=deng-jongkuch>

5. "ExplorersBio." National Geographic. N.p., n.d. Web. 21 Apr.
2013.<http://www.nationalgeographic.com/explorers/bios/john-bul-dau/>

6. "Sudan: The Passion of the Present." 'Sudan: The Passion of the Present' N.p., 30 Sept. 2005. Web. 23 Apr. 2013. <http://platform.blogs.com/passionofthepresent/2005/09/equipping_lost_.html>

7. Collom, Lindsey. "Stress Issues Still Plague 'Lost Boys' of Sudan." N.p., 7 Apr. 2008. Web. 23 Apr. 2013.<http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/0407lostboys0407.html?nclick_check=1>

8. Weddle, David. "LA Times- Lost Boys of Sudan." LA Times- Lost Boys of Sudan. N.p., n.d. Web. 24 Apr. 2013.<http://www.lostboysfilm.com/articles/laTimes.html>

9. "Lost Boys of Sudan." WolfWikis RSS. N.p., n.d. Web. 24 Apr. 2013. <http://wikis.lib.ncsu.edu/index.php/Lost_Boys_of_Sudan>